the happenings...

A NEW POPE!
first, as at s'pore time abt 1+am, 20th April 2005, a new pope was elected. Pope Benedict XVI, aka, Joseph Ratzinger.. a bishop frm Germany. a very learned man who has been assisting the late John Paul II for over 20 yrs. congratulations to him, may the good Lord bless n watch over him & may he lead God's pple in peace, love & harmony.

WHAT'S GOING ON?
I need some serious help or some kinda sign to help me understand. y dis internal struggle? y dis complication? y dis mess? y me? y cant i solve it? y cant i b less problemtic 2 others? fuck. i hate how i feel.
what can i do? what shud i do? what shud i say? who can help me? questions questions questions! i need to tink straight.
i dont know if i need to be in love. i dont know if i can trust & how to do it. cant i be taught? cant he b patient? all i need is time & guidance. is dat so much to ask for? i believe dat wad will b urs will b urs eventually. i also believe dat gd things will come to those who wait.
fate? wad is fate? how does one define fate? jus bcos of 1 mere incident dat decides we're not fated. wow, how superficial is dat? how abt all the other times we do meet or dat have been spent, those arent so called fated? meeting one another, crossing paths, not fated either? when i was upset & crying, i wonder who was the one who called me out of a sudden? like as if he knew dat i was in some kind of trouble... i'm sure dat's not fate either.
i believe i'm not the only person in the game of love who has been hurt b4.. i know many others who might have even suffered a worst fate den me. but well, every individual has different tolerance levels. every gd or bad situation always has smthg we can gain frm. experience. learning issues. things we know n hope will never happen again. but we can only prevent. how do we know for sure things will or will not work out? how do we know how to help one another if we dont even talk? dont even learn to discuss issues openly, objectively & calmly?
i really dont know... all these are jus random thots running thru my mind. collectively, i'm optimistic. i always hope for the best & pray for a direction. every decision & choice has a risk involved, be it gd or bad. we can always try to look at the bigger picture. but den again, as i said, how can one ensure absolutely no mistakes?
some tink the problems they face r big & troublesome & they dread it, try to avoid. some tink nthg of their problems & jus enjoy n tink of fun. whereas, some others tink abt their problems n try to face up to it n tink of solutions. i dun like running away from problems. jus as how i have to face the S$450. i'll face my other problems the same. take a deep breath n say "come on! let's do it" isnt simple i know but dat's jus me, i'll do it.
when u need me, i'll b here.. when ever, where ever.
jus dun wish to be left hanging not knowing wad's going on in the mind & heart of urs.
it's been a long time since i last worried so much abt someone. tink that is pretty significant already huh.. but who cares anyway? all my life, most of my actions or intentions r always doubted. oh well, perhaps i'm jus destined to live dis sorta life. hopefully, 1 day truly, some one wud b kind n patient enough to teach me.